Paranormal Rhapsody
by Time Pony Victorious
Summary: The Exorcists of the West: Mio and Azusa employ their expert skills to maintain peace and stability in their land. With a little help from some witches, a vampire, and a demon hunter, let's see how far they go. AU


**Hello! ^^ **

**In the time spent between writing ****chapter 4 of _The Captain and the Lieutenant_ ****and chapter 1 of _Rubber Soul _I was struck with some inspiration of the queerest kind. The idea of Mio being an exorcists was, admittedly, an appealing one and I simply had to embark on it. I hope you all will enjoy this story, and for any fans of TCTL chapter 4 is coming soon ^^**

**Thank you Ava Nova and WhatTheFridge for betaing ^^  
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><p><em>Of Exorcists, Witches, and Vampires<em>

The gray skies were riddled with massive clouds akin to jig-saw puzzles as they hung low and remained separated. Beyond the uncompleted puzzle of the clouds was the empty space that observers would remark as the universe; dark purple and glowing with a strange power. The surrounding hue, as a result, became a deep violet that made the corresponding horizons appear blood-red. It was this fantastic meteorology that made the world an incredible thing to observe.

As a result of the absence of the sun, temperatures had rapidly dropped to below freezing in spite of the warm season. Unfortunately, due to an incorrect prediction of weather patterns made by the resident meteorologist, the two wanderers were left in the desert to their own faculties.

Azusa glanced past her hood to note the disdain expressed by her senpai. She cursed under her breath, muttering generally unkind words to meteorologists everywhere, and looked at her junior.

"Looks like we need to stop for the night," she said after assessing the situation.

Azusa looked around. Homely hills of amber sand had effectively surrounded them, direction and geographical data was lost amongst them; even the stars which proved helpful in guiding wanderers like them were useless as with each passing night the celestial bodies had shifted due to the planet's natural curvature shifting and adjusting with each revolution.

"But, Mio-senpai," said Azusa. "There's nowhere to go. You can't expect us to stop here literally in the middle of nowhere."

Mio shrugged and pulled off her hood, her ink-black hair cascading past her shoulders and fluttering half-heartedly in the dry wind. "What choice do we have?"

Azusa decided not to argue and assisted in setting up camp.

The series of events that had led up to this moment had been unpleasant, to say the least. They were sent on a wild goose chase to find and detain something that was said to have gone extinct thousands of years ago by an unreliable source and to put the cherry on top, whomever or _whatever_ this creature was, legends told that it was incredibly deadly.

And to make matters worse, there was no guarantee of a sufficient fiscal reward. Call Azusa frugal, if you wish, but people on a budget simply cannot spare – both literally and figuratively in the sense of the word – working for free.

Azusa had only gotten into the exorcism business recently, perhaps for an entire year, but that was a pitiful amount of experience for such a dangerous field of work. But her teachings had told her that no matter what circumstances may be raised; humility and grace of mind must be exercised in order to keep a pure mind. That didn't pan out too well for the dogmatic and rational junior.

The tent had been partially erected as Azusa looked at Mio and speculated how she was able to get into this situation.

Mio Akiyama was a relatively well-known travelling exorcist; Azusa had nothing but utmost respect for the older woman, but she felt as though her incredible feats had been exaggerated. Stories tell of Mio dismissing ten thousand demons in a single maneuver and that she was so incredibly enlightened that the gods themselves were humbled before her. Truth be told, she was a scaredy-cat.

Whenever Mio would listen to accounts of demons or ghosts that needed exorcising, she would have to take five minutes to calm herself down before agreeing to the job. Of course, Mio would never express her fear in front of her clients lest she ruin their hopes of an aloof, powerful priestess that eats ghosts and spirits for breakfast.

Don't misunderstand, Azusa enjoyed that personality aspect. When she had heard about Mio for the first time, she feared her fabricated image and was incredibly relieved when her worries were extinguished by the senior's warm smile. And also, the recounts of Mio's strength and ability were certainly not exaggerated, perhaps even a bit underrated.

"What's wrong?" Mio asked, "You've been staring at me for a bit."

Azusa blanched at her mistake, "A-ah, it's nothing. I was just reminiscing a bit."

Mio raised an eyebrow but, thankfully, didn't press on.

"So, what do you think about this job?"

"I think it's a little shady," admitted Azusa, "I always thought that the Count didn't exist, and even if he did, don't the legends state that he was killed a long time ago by Van Helsing?"

"Hard to say, but it is worth checking out. Besides, we're supposed to help people in need. Right?" Mio smiled and completely erased all of Azusa's doubt.

The tent was set up rather quickly. It was big enough for the two of them but offered little to no leg-room, so Azusa and Mio had to sleep right next to each other. Mio seemed relaxed, but Azusa needed to compose herself; throughout the entire night she was simply concerned that her rapidly beating heart could be heard outside her body.

In order to maintain a bearable temperature, Mio explained, they needed to share body heat, and the simplest way to do so was to embrace each other. Azusa had reluctantly agreed and let Mio hug her from behind.

Needless to say, that was a sleepless night, especially for the kouhai.

Morning came by fast and the two were up at dawn. By the time they had eaten breakfast and packed up their tent the sun peeked over the horizon, drowning the sky in an orange hue. The clouds were more homogenous than the literal puzzling assortment last night and formed large bodies that resembled everyday objects. Azusa had counted every fork, spoon, knife and other instruments of the culinary arts. There were 1,120 total.

It was around noon by the time they had reached the nearest village. The sudden change in climate and relevant demographical substance was staggering. The village was filled to the brim with citizens, who were rather queer in appearance and quality.

Azusa half-expected the populace to be dark-skinned people so as to reflect the affects of the sun's harmful rays, but the villagers were extremely pale to the extent where their skin was almost blue from how obvious their veins were. They also had sharp pointy ears; it seemed to be a biological distinction between genders, as males had their ears pointed backward, parallel to their feet, and females had their ears pointed directly down. They also seemed to have built a resistance to the sun's rays and never tanned or burned. Azusa envied them for that fact.

Even the climate changed drastically. Walking out of the desert, they were swiftly led into a lush green forest that had dipped into a valley. There were clear rivers and a lovely air of ecological friendliness about them.

The townsfolk were incredibly polite and graceful in their manners, although they approached the travelling exorcists with some trepidation. After all, Mio and Azusa were dressed rather unfittingly after traversing through the desert. Both were donning white and red robes that dragged on the ground that were incredibly thick; prayer beads and Holy Scriptures were their tools of their trade and - excluding Azusa's strange weapon - everything was rather standard for people in their line of work.

After consulting with a townsperson they made their way into the outskirts of the forest.

"I'm not so sure about this," said Azusa as they passed through a dense swamp. "Witches aren't exactly a reliable breed."

"If it _is _the Count that we're going up against, a little extra help wouldn't do more harm than good." replied Mio, trying to be confident even though she was shaking a bit due to this dank environment. Azusa felt she should help her dear senpai and quietly held her hand until they arrived at the hut.

The hut was a depressed, mishandled, mess of a home. It was tiny, unattractive, and rather terrifying at the same time. Cobwebs had taken up residence in every nook on the outside and dust had accumulated in the cranny portions of the home. The windows were filled with so much dust, in fact, that it was impossible to peer inside; the shingles were so old that it appeared bleached white. A humble chimney protruding from the crown of the roof had mild smoke rising from it. On the door was an inscription that appeared to be some sort of magical charm to ward away demons. Azusa felt that something like that was a little hypocritical.

Azusa raised her hand to knock on the door but it opened upon her touch.

"Hello?" Mio called out as they walked inside, "Anyone here?"

The interior was a complete difference from the appearance outside. Lush carpets draped the floors; a pale, eggshell paint on the walls, silver décor including fantastic, expensive furniture and busts were scattered here and there. There were a few knick-knacks hanging from the ceiling; miniature angels and flying unicorns, only Azusa noticed that they were not suspended with string, and instead levitated there. After a few seconds the angels and unicorns took flight as they raced around the place. There were a set of stairs leading up in a spiral and another set adjacent to it, leading down.

Taking the stairs downward, they were led into a basement that was pitch black, save the massive cauldron with its glowing concoction. A figure stood behind the cauldron throwing in ingredients and chanting, the mixture boiling with a sickly green glow emanating from it. As more ingredients were tossed in the liquid continued to boil and swirl violently.

"I wonder what kind of evil thing is being brewed," Azusa muttered.

As she said that, the witch threw in one more ingredient and lights began to flash as the basement suddenly began to shake. After a few seconds and one more dramatic flourish from the witch, the shaking stopped and the lights ceased to exist.

Slowly, the witch removed her hood and Azusa could only imagine what kind of twisted, contorted, horrific face would be hidden underneath that hood.

Turning around the witch revealed instead a very youthful and smiling face, "Onee-chan, your food is done!"

Azusa and Mio nearly slipped off the handrail as another woman – presumably this "onee-chan" – sat up from the couch beside the first witch and beamed at her.

"Thank you Ui!" the elder witch said.

Ui conjured up a ladle from out of nowhere and scooped her concoction into a bowl before handing it to her sister.

Mio descended the final steps and stood before the two witches, bowing politely, "I am Mio Akiyama and this is Azusa Nakano. Are you two the witches we were told about?"

"And is that yakisoba?" Azusa added.

The two sisters blinked at the strangers and finally the eldest stepped forward and said incoherently, _"Ayee, dunt speek Engrish."_

"We weren't speaking English," Azusa said annoyed.

Suddenly the witch turned around to her younger sister and said with excitement, "I think I'm getting the hang of the strangers' language Ui!"

"That's amazing onee-chan," Ui said earnestly.

Azusa managed to contain her exasperation and after several minutes of explaining the four sat down at the couch. Ui had explained that her sister – Yui – and she had been situated so far away from the main village out of the villagers' fears. They were terrified of the two witches, or rather, _mages_, Yui corrected. The sisters hadn't had a visitor in years; even their parents, renowned mages, were away constantly. And although these two were identical it seemed in terms of maturity the younger was a step above the eldest, as Ui had politely set out tea for Mio and Azusa and spoke earnestly and politely while Yui was diligently eating her yakisoba with a blissful smile on her face. When Azusa had called her out on this, Yui stood up, offended.

"I am a great mage," she said indignantly after wiping her mouth. "Here, I'll show you some magic!"

A staff had materialized in her hands; it was her height and made from blood-red wood, it seemed. Yui had made a few gestures with the staff and miraculously… nothing happened.

Looking at the staff she raised a quizzical eyebrow. "I thought I had updated Staffchi," she said with a crestfallen expression.

"These must not be the mages we were looking for," whispered Azusa to Mio. Mio, however, didn't offer a reply and was staring weirdly at a space above Azusa's head. "What are you looking at, Mio-senpai?"

Azusa felt around above her head - the space where Mio was looking at - to encounter something fuzzy and soft. "Eh?" she said continuing to grope the fuzzy material, her fingers probing questioningly. When she couldn't figure out what it was, she pulled at it and it felt like she yanked at her head. She scratched at it and a tickling sensation ran through her body.

Turning around she looked into the mirror and noticed that there were a pair of cat ears sitting atop her head.

"See," Yui said proudly sticking her chest out, "I'm a great mage, I didn't even mean to use that spell!"

"Why do you have a spell like that in the first place?"

"It was the first my mom taught me. She said, 'Yui, it took you weeks to learn such a simple spell.'"

"I don't really think that was intended as a compliment…"

Mio patted Azusa's head to calm her down, earning a fairly quick response. "Can you undo the spell?" she asked as Azusa purred under her touch.

"Nope," Yui said with another proud expression, "but Ui is an amazing mage as well, show them!"

Yui stepped away and let her sister take centre stage.

"I know a spell that allows me to copy another person's appearance," Ui explained. She then materialized a staff of her own, waved it around, and dropped a tiny pellet at her feet which exploded, emitting a puff of purple smoke. When the smoke had cleared Ui stood there, arms extended with a grinning face, "Ta-da!"

"You haven't changed." Azusa said with a dead-pan stare.

"Of course I did, I turned into onee-chan,"

Yui was the only one excited about the trick and began clapping loudly, "You're amazing Ui!"

Mio had to restrain her junior from pummeling the two witc-, or rather, _mages._

"Eh?" said Ui once Mio explained their quest. "The Count? Why?"

"We were asked by the King; apparently we are his last resort," Mio replied.

"Hmmm," Ui deliberated. She then stood up and grabbed a massive tome from her bookshelf, situating it between the four. Once she opened it to a random page a hologram of a tall, pale, but handsome man with icy blue eyes and blond hair slicked back appeared.

"That's the Count," she said, "although no one is really certain it is really him. After all, there wasn't much evidence of his existence. Some say that he was indeed killed by Helsing-san, but others say he escaped and eventually en massed an army of vampires to do his bidding. Others say that he went into retirement at the Sleepy Hollows."

"That last one seems too silly," remarked Azusa.

"But if you were to encounter him and kill him it is said he has several weaknesses. Direct sunlight, garlic, or holy water. However, it is also said that you need to drive a stake through him and burn his body to purify it."

"Simple enough." said Azusa.

"Do you have any of those tools?" Mio asked.

"Well, maybe not garlic, but we definitely have some holy water."

Yui stood and walked into the back. After a few seconds she emerged holding a flask with a skull as a cap.

"_That's _your container for holy water?" asked Azusa.

"The Priest was a bit eccentric," admitted Ui sheepishly.

Yui handed Azusa the flask and the two exorcists stood, prepared to leave.

"Thank you, Ui," said Mio.

"Hey, what about me?" whined Yui, "I'm the one who went to look for the flask."

"You gave me cat ears," Azusa muttered.

Suddenly Yui hugged Azusa, "You look so cute though Azunyan!"

"D-don't call me that! My name is Azusa!"

"Say 'nya' like a real cat!"

It took a few minutes to disentangle Yui from Azusa and once she did, the exorcists quickly made their escape. The two then went on their journey past the swamp, the Burning Plains of Hades and the Freezing Plains of Hyperion. Azusa made a joke about the missing wet plains in between those two opposite plains, but Mio didn't understand it.

Once they were out of the Freezing Plains a desolate black field stretched out before them for miles. The grain wasn't dead; it was simply alive, but in evil manners. Beyond those fields was a massive black castle where, presumably, the Count lived.

"Great," Mio said with a smile. "Just past here and we'll be there!"

As she took a step the temperature had dropped along with the air pressure. Their ears popped and an evil presence was sensed by the duo. Immediately taking up defensive positions they stood back to back, awaiting whoever or whatever was stalking them to show themselves.

"Who's there?" Azusa shouted, her voice lost in the swirling vortex of the wind.

"Turn around…" something whispered. It felt like the speaker's voice was being projected straight into their ears.

Mio brandished her baton, a cane outfitted with magic that was able to transform into a staff that could exorcise demons upon impact. Azusa merely pulled out a crucifix.

"**TURN AROUND!"**

The voice came from directly behind Mio. She jumped and spun around quickly, preparing to give the demon a good whacking when she came face to face with a woman with the most terrifying face ever. Mio had faced down gorgons, wind spirits, Sphinxes, demons of various sorts and never before had she seen such an evil expression upon anything.

She jumped back, terrified, and got a closer look at the apparition. It seemed like a small ghost of a young woman. She had long hair – down to her ghostly legs – and wore glasses. She looked completely pissed off, however, and crossed her arms while giving Mio an annoyed look.

"Didn't you hear me? I said _turn around_." she said indignantly.

"Who, or rather _what_, are you?" asked Mio.

"I'm a ghost!" she answered. "Haven't you seen one before oh Great Exorcist of the West?"

"Yes, but nothing like that," Mio answered, backing away slowly from the angered spirit.

"Why were you stalking us?" Azusa asked.

"Because you _don't _want to go ahead. There's a little annoying idiot beyond these plains and she won't take lightly to two strangers."

"Right, well, we have things to do up ahead," Mio muttered, walked ahead trying to pass the ghost. "Thanks for the warning though."

But the ghost was not to be trifled with. She phased through Mio's body and reappeared in front of her. Mio shivered as the spirit passed through her body.

"D-don't do that!" she cried.

"I'm telling you, you _don't _want to keep going. You should be happy that a friendly spirit like me is trying to help you."

"Friendly?" Azusa said. "You scared me half to death! And you shouldn't even exist; you should have been exorcised long ago."

She brandished her crucifix along with a handful of talismans, muttered a few prayers, and magic built up at the tip of her crucifix as she prayed. When it had reached its limit, she sighted the ghost and fired the magic at her. The magic was completely ineffective as the ghost floated there with a smug look on her face.

"I've already been exorcised," she explained, "It's just that my magic was much too strong for the exorcist so it didn't go through. I'm stuck in this world in this stupid form as a result, wandering forever and forever!"

She spoke in an exaggerated, dramatic manner like an overpaid actress. Her method of emoting was overboard and her emphasis on unnecessary words made this feel like a bad play.

"Oh, it was long ago when I was just an innocent young maiden searching for love. I was so naïve and cute back then that I fell for a classmate of mine far too early, but when I had confessed he said,

'Sawako, I like girls that are a bit wild.' Ah, I was so devastated! But I was determined. I started to learn about the dark arts and became a proficient magician! My rituals were revolutionary and powerful, to this day people are using my rituals. But they started to get wild, and wilder, and _wilder! _Then finally I had approached him again and said,

'Well? I'll let you go out with me, since I'm so generous.' And to my surprise he said,

'Sawako. You went overboard.'"

Sawako wept dramatically as the duo listened to her story.

"So, you're a witch-"

"_Magician!" _she corrected.

"Magician. And that's why I can't exorcise you?" Azusa figured.

"Something like that. But anyways, turn around and leave, if you don't hurry then she'll come!"

"Who?" Mio asked.

In a cliché and completely timed manner, bullets peppered the ground in front of Mio's feet, causing her to jump back to avoid the next barrage. Sawako disappeared from existence and someone else had appeared in her place. Falling from the sky in a parabola trajectory the person had flipped to correct her landing, and dropped to the plains with a magnificent flourish. The first obvious thing about this person would be her clothing; despite having the small figure and gait of a female, she wore a heavy trench coat and had a large sword strapped to her back, betraying what one may surmised to be her lack of strength. Her brown hair barely reached her shoulders but gave the impression of a confident and boyish personality. Her forehead gleamed against the sun and her confident smile and near golden eyes flashed with such ferocity it was hard to chastise her for shooting at Mio.

"Who are you?" she asked her smile never wavering.

"Do you expect us to answer you after you attacked us?" Azusa pointed out.

"The tall one is Mio Akiyama and the one with the cat ears is Azusa Nakano, the two Exorcists of the West," Sawako answered then disappeared again.

"Oh?" the rogue mused, "Interesting. My guess would be that you're here for the Count."

"Again, do you_ really _expect us to answer?"

"Yes, we are," answered Mio.

Azusa soon gave up at the tough-guy routine.

"Well, that's a problem, since _I'm _after the Count as well. There's a surprisingly large industry in genuine vampire teeth, they sell for a bundle."

"You're just a common thief." Azusa remarked.

"That hurts my feelings Azusa. I'm an enthusiastic Samaritan. I just happen to find that the expensive things people tend to _drop _and the frequency of the item being _dropped, _may or may not be increased by my presence, but whatever _dropped _item I find I always try to make good use of it."

"Who are you?" Mio asked.

"I am the famous Professional Demon Hunter/Salesperson Ritsu Tainaka! I'm a pretty big deal you know, Van Helsing happens to be my uncle and this is his gun," Ritsu smirked as she showed off her pistol, which appeared to be a double-barreled magnum. Its sights seemed like an unnecessary addition and also ugly, as it looked like a large, grape sized crosshair. It was also queer in the sense that there was no visible ammo cartridge. Azusa glanced at the spot where Ritsu fired at and there were no visible bullets; the afflicted wounds were burning with a strange purple flame.

"Her gun is charmed," whispered Azusa to Mio.

"And that sword looks too clunky for her to use," whispered Mio back. "Maybe she doesn't know how to use it well."

Ritsu must have heard the conversation as she drew her sword. It was a large, broad, double-edged weapon with a leather hilt and grip with a strange character etched into the base of the blade. The character depicted a dragon in flight.

"Trust me; I'm an expert all right!"

Ritsu was much too fast for Azusa to counterattack. She charged forward, her sword and gun at the ready, and slashed laterally while shooting square-centre at Azusa's forehead. The kouhai managed to duck the initial slice but was forced to roll out of the way to avoid the bullets. When she had recovered, Ritsu was already chasing her down.

"I've got this!" Azusa said to Mio, while she pulled out her crucifix.

"A crucifix? What do you plan to do with that?" Ritsu grinned as she swung downward at the top of Azusa's head.

The crucifix had expanded so fast that the transformation was almost instantaneous. Its weight had exponentially increased to nearly a ton and its size was equivalent to that of a truck. Azusa managed to hold on to the deadly weapon and even parried Ritsu's attack. With one mighty swing, she leveled the crucifix into Ritsu's gut, sending the girl flying.

Azusa, panting and wheezing, stood with her crucifix spread across her shoulders, "What are you going to do now Demon Hunter? Make a wise-crack? Pull out your whip or throw axes at me?"

Ritsu pried herself out of the tree and walked out into the plain again. She felt her stomach and her ribs ached, pain lanced up her side as she registered the damage as fractured ribs. In specific: two cracked ribs, one broken rib, in general: "Ow!"

Thankfully, however, the damage wouldn't matter very much.

"Oh? Back for more?" Azusa asked, eager to put this so-called demon hunter in her place. She assumed a position identical to a javelin thrower's, held her crucifix like a spear and with a throw it sped towards Ritsu, threatening to take her head clean off.

At the last moment, Ritsu brandished her sword and side-stepped the projectile with her sword grinding the side of the crucifix. With tremendous effort she parried the strike entirely, sending the crucifix high into the air, unreachable by the short Azusa. As the cross disappeared Ritsu prepared her counterattack when she realized that Azusa was nowhere to be found.

With dread in her chest, she looked up and saw that the girl was _riding _the crucifix to the sky. The disproportionate weapon-master combo reached their apex and started to descend to the Earth. Ritsu leapt up to intercept them.

Her sword brimming with magic and demonic energy – absorbed from the masses she had slain – had pulsated, excited for this conflict. She aimed her sword at the base of the crucifix and with a push of her blade she pierced the golden-plated holy weapon of mass destruction, causing the entire thing to boil with power and soon explode.

Azusa and Ritsu were rendered unconscious by the blast but other than a few scrapes were perfectly fine. Mio watched as the two fighters slept peacefully, side-by-side, and sighed, wondering how much time was to be wasted.

Azusa was the last to wake up. She snapped up into a seated position, adrenaline pumping, and twisted around, preparing to meet her adversary. The scene that met her eyes filled her with shock instead. Ritsu was sitting with Mio, Yui and Ui around a campfire talking, laughing, and eating. Even Sawako the ghost was floating around comfortably, laughing alongside them.

"What are you-" pain burned in her forehead and a wave of nausea punched her stomach like a lead glove wrapped around a brick.

"Don't sit up so quickly," chastised Mio, "You're still feeling the effects of being intercepted with demonic energy."

Mio shot a quick glare at Ritsu, who grinned sheepishly.

"Yui's healing magic," Mio continued, "was enough to revive you. Barely enough to stop you transforming into a demon."

Azusa looked at Yui who smiled as if she had discovered the cure to famine and disease, that or a big strawberry cake.

"So, you could heal me, stop me from transforming into a demon… but you couldn't remove these stupid cat ears?" Azusa cried in frustration as she yanked at her ears, receiving another pleasant tingly sensation through her body.

"Ehh? But Azunyan, it's cute," insisted Yui.

"No, it's weird! How am I supposed to be taken seriously as a professional exorcist if all the clients notice is my cat ears?"

"Don't worry," said Ritsu, "They'll be distracted by Mio's luscious body."

The ever-calm, ever-mature Mio who had trained in one hundred one ways of meditation would not be swayed by such vulgarity. Yes, this is but a mere example of how humble and graceful she is.

Quick as thought, Mio pummeled the top of Ritsu's head in a comical fashion. The latter writhed on the floor while the former seethed, ready to strike again.

It was nightfall by the time they had reached the mansion. Everyone, including Sawako, had insisted on accompanying the duo. Mio didn't mind, but Azusa was feeling exhausted keeping up with the two hyperactive dynamites and the annoying ghost.

"Who's the annoying ghost?" Sawako growled slapping Azusa's cheeks.

Startled Azusa jumped at the sudden physical contact, "P-please stop reading my mind!"

"You were saying that aloud Azusa," Ritsu corrected, "So, I'm a hyperactive dynamite huh?" Ritsu playfully, if the term was used loosely, put Azusa in a chokehold, while the latter tried tapping out.

"Wait, Sawa-chan," said Yui suddenly.

"No, it's Sawako-_sensei,_" corrected Sawako, "I'm your senior in magic."

"Sawa-chan-sensei, why can you touch us? Aren't you a spirit?"

"Yes. But I was a magician prior to my death. I am able to stay within the human world in this form, but I managed to retain some physicality. Plus, you girls are so in-tune with magic that it makes the entire thing easier. If it were a normal person, I would have more trouble trying to touch them."

Sawako laughed in such an exaggerated manner that Azusa and Mio wondered if the ghost tried to haunt her former lover before his demise.

A brick road led up to the manor and black marble gates, left ajar, stood in their wake. Dead eucalyptus trees were spread to either side of the road. Creatures of the damned solicited upon the decayed foliage for little sustenance, and five new walking meals presented a favorable prospect. The sky was blood red as the clouds shifted in such manners that were akin to a massive funnel, where the end of it was being held up by the tip of the manor. It was a typical image of a haunted house, it seemed.

Ui held on to her sister from behind, while Azusa held Mio's hand. Yui, taking offense to this, grabbed on to Azusa's free hand. And Ritsu – being in the front – prepared to march courageously into the manor and ask for the Count's head on a platter. While she thought up of witty one-liners, Yui tapped Ritsu's shoulder.

"We should all hold hands!" said Yui with a smiling face, completely forgetting the _reason _for holding hands and wants to do it simply because of her childish nature.

Ritsu rolled her eyes but held Ui's free hand while the latter held hands with Yui. And in a straight line they all marched toward the house.

Half-way there Mio whispered to Azusa, "Sorry if my hand is sweaty."

Despite her weird cat ears, it was nice hearing that as it offered a sense of courage and a will to protect her terrified senpai.

The door was impressive; obscenely tall and made from the same wood as those dead trees. A demonic skull served as the knocker, but Ritsu - being Ritsu - decided that kicking down the door would serve better.

She landed a blow upon the door with all her might, only to be repelled by the toughness of the material. Her leg aching and her ego wounded, she calmly opened the door as Mio sighed.

A brittle chandelier made of bone hung overhead with candles fixed at each skull. The carpet felt and appeared as if the material came from a massive animal. Portraits were hung on the walls that depicted a small family that smiled brightly at the artist. It felt out of place in a gloomy house like this.

There were stairs that led upwards and perhaps to the other floors. Despite its rustic aesthetic, this place looked brand new. Everything was clean and shiny and void of dust.

"Magic dust repellent!" exclaimed Ui, releasing both Ritsu and Yui as she trotted over to a bust of Adonis. A bottle of green fluid and a rag was on the bust, and on it was a label that read: "INFINITE DUST REPELLANT! ERASE DUST AND AIR-BORNE PARTICLES OUT OF EXISTENCE! Warning: Do not spray on a biological system including, but not restricted to: humans, animals, demons, pixies, fairies, ghosts, transdimensional-superdemons…"

"Hum! That's interesting," cried Ritsu from behind Ui, "The bottle is half-empty, yet the label indicates that the effects of the spray are eternal. Perhaps upon the consideration of the live-in maid this bottle was only recently purchased as the purchase sticker is not yet frayed with time-"

Mio bonked Ritsu on the head lightly, "Wrong story idiot."

Before she could refute, however, classical music had pre-empted her. It was a beautiful, yet singular, progression of chords from a piano, played with the elegance of a master who had suffered a depressing loneliness. The music had moved the group into sadness, as it opened up their imaginations to image what one would have to experience to want to play such music.

Ritsu had urged the group to continue moving before Ui had started to reach for the tissues. They followed the music to the source, a playroom – it seems – for musicians. As there were plenty of instruments strewn around; guitars, drums, violins, other percussion instruments, brass, and literally an entire orchestra worth of instruments.

On center-stage stood a grand piano; black in color, with a single, humble, player at its seat. She was casually pressing at the keys with the gentleness of a mother playing with her child. Her face was placid and fluid, as if it was difficult to decide which expression it should wear, although her current expression was one of sadness. The slightest of frowns tugged at her gentle cheeks while her eyes were drooped into half-lids as she considered an elegant state underneath the skylight as the moonlight bathed her in perpetual twilight.

Her face, however, was very pale and that contrasted with her ocean blue eyes, making them exciting and popping. Her blond hair was draped over her white gown and her lips were crimson.

She noticed the group's presence much too late; the music stopped abruptly as the woman turned around and examined her intruders.

"My, my," she exclaimed, "visitors!"

A loud "poof" noise erupted beside the blonde woman as another woman appeared through the smoke. She looked like her twin, as her hair was blond as well, but was missing the distinctive thick, pickle-shaped eyebrows. She adorned a simple maid outfit and stood with her hands together, back erect, chest puffed out slightly and the most professional smile ever conceived. She, like the other, was pale and had equally crimson lips.

"Sumire," the pianist said to the maid, "bring out the tea and cake. We must treat our guests with some generosity after they had decided to visit us so suddenly."

"Yes, Lady Tsumugi," the maid replied and with another "poof", she disappeared.

"It's been so long since I've seen anyone," Tsumugi explained with a kind smile, completely destroying the image of the ruthless Count that they imagined would greet them with slashing claws and vicious snarling fangs.

"Please, please, come in," she said happily while leading them into a living room.

The group sat in the accommodating couches and chairs, tensed and alert. Sumire appeared behind Tsumugi with a tray of tea cups and cakes.

"This was created by Lady Tsumugi herself," Sumire explained, placing the tray down.

"Ha!" cried Azusa, "We know who you are. A vampire! Do you think that we'll eat your food that you probably poisoned?"

Yui, Ui, Ritsu and Sawako had been sipping tea and munching on the cakes as Azusa spoke, "Yeah! You tell her Azusa!" Ritsu said through her stuffed mouth.

"You're so cool Azunyan!" cried Yui.

"Why are you guys eating?"

"Don't worry Azunyan, I've been trained to be able to detect over one hundred different types of poisons!"

"And what happens if you encounter the poison?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"I missed the last class."

"What a disjointed school system!"

Several soft slapping noises could be heard as Azusa face-palmed herself over and over again.

The seemingly comical act had appealed to the vampire, as she laughed whole-heartedly at their interactions. "You guys are pretty funny," Tsumugi said, "but I haven't poisoned your food. Yes, I _am _a vampire. My name is Tsumugi Kotobuki, daughter of the great Count Dracula."

The group politely introduced themselves.

"Then, where is the Count now?" asked Mio, sipping her tea as well.

"Daddy is out on a business trip to Transylvania, and he told me not to leave the house ever. That was two months ago, and I've been alone with Sumire since. And although I haven't had contact with the outside world, Sumire goes on trips frequently and brings back souvenirs!"

Tsumugi conjured up a purse and rummaged through it.

"Look, look, this is what they call a wheel!" She pulled out a small stone wheel and displayed it for everyone, "Oh, and this is called an ore!" she said excitedly as she produced a small lump of Earth from which diamonds gleamed inside.

"Oh, and these are precious metals!" She dumped out a mess of jewels, diamonds, and solid gold – which had cracked the surface of the table.

Ritsu's eyes gleamed at these expensive treasures. Mio could almost see Ritsu diving over the table to claim the small fortune, and had to clamp a hand over Ritsu's shoulder to restrain her, ignoring the pitiful whine that emitted from the back of the smaller girl's throat.

"Wait, if your father isn't here, why did the King ask us to exorcise him?" Mio asked.

Tsumugi placed a considering finger to her chin and thought. "Hmm, the culture festival is coming up in a few weeks and the King always participates in the chili-making competition. My dad is on the panel of judges for that this year and is known for being extremely harsh with his judgment. I think the King wanted you to 'exorcise' his position as judge."

Shock had muted the group with the exception of Yui who was noisily sipping her tea, seemingly uncaring to the events that had just transpired.

_What an imprudent King_, thought Azusa and Mio together.

"But, you're a vampire right? So... aren't you like, evil?" asked Sawako.

"That is a common misconception Sawa-chan. Yes, it is true I am a vampire," continued Tsumugi, ignoring the ghost's protests at the demoralizing nickname. "But I am not necessarily evil. It is true that I consume blood, but I don't physically need it. I can abstain from blood for centuries. And my 'weaknesses' are, again, misconceptions. I am not weak against sunlight, I merely tan easily. Garlic doesn't repel me, it just smells bad. And a wooden stake won't kill me nor would normal exorcism. You would have to get another vampire to bite me and inject their blood in me to kill me."

"Ah, how anticlimactic," moaned Ritsu. "And I was looking forward to the epic clashing between you two."

"Wait, wait, aren't you related to Van Helsing? The sworn enemy of the Count? Shouldn't you be avenging him?" asked Mio.

"Van Helsing?" Tsumugi repeated in a low, threatening voice. "You mean the man who stole my father's newspaper constantly?" she asked with tears in her eyes and an angry tone of voice.

_That's why she's so upset? _thought Azusa and Mio, both with a deadpan stare.

A wall of force had lifted Ritsu from her seat and sent her flying into the opposite wall. The group stood up in alarm but Tsumugi was much too fast, taking flight and racing toward Ritsu. Crashing into her, the two smashed directly through the wall and to the main lobby. Everyone else had followed suit.

By the time they had reached the lobby, Ritsu and Tsumugi were engaging in sword-to-hand combat. Tsumugi was parrying Ritsu's sword with her arms only and slashing back with her claws.

"What do we do?" asked Yui.

"Normal methods of combat won't be effective toward her," remarked Mio. "So, we need use unorthodox measures."

Mio wielded her staff, as did Azusa her crucifix. A circle of magic appeared in the floor around them and the two were overwhelmed in a curtain of light.

The magic bullets, which Ritsu was so proud, of were ineffective. Tsumugi was fast enough to dodge the bullets despite the extreme close range, but the bullets that hit bounced off her skin. Great, she was facing a bulletproof, immortal vampire who's only weakness was another vampire.

Tsumugi swept Ritsu's feet, a maneuver that was much too fast for Ritsu to read or react to. She landed on her butt and Tsumugi lunged, her mouth open, fangs bared, ready to bite at Ritsu's neck. Intercepting Tsumugi's mouth with her gun, Ritsu managed to successfully lodge the gun in Tsumugi's mouth as the vampire chewed on a mouthful of magic-clad metal.

Ritsu then attempted to stab Tsumugi, but the vampire had pinned down her arms and was trying to muscle her way past the gun. Ritsu was, however, strong enough to fight against the vampire's super strength, but her stamina was fading slowly.

"Guys? A little help!" Ritsu yelled as Mugi inched, closer and closer.

"Just one little bite Ricchan, and we can be together," Tsumugi said through the metal in her mouth.

"Maybe in another story," retorted Ritsu.

Before Tsumugi could fully bite her, however, a wave of magic had attacked her, removing her from Ritsu. When she recovered she looked at her assailant.

It wasn't Mio, but it wasn't Azusa either. She was a tall, graceful woman with long black hair, humbly tied in twin pig-tails. Her eyes were a powerful garnet and she was clad in a simple white robe that moved and had smooth flowing texture, much like a river. She was neither Azusa nor Mio, but rather the two together.

"Whoops," she said. "Was that too weak?"

"Who are you?" hissed Tsumugi, standing up in a defensive stance, claws at the ready.

"I am the result of the most powerful magic ever conceived, the combination of two bodies to create a single form. I am not Azusa or Mio, but a single exorcist!"

To her dismay, however, the cat ears were still there. AzuMio felt the cat ears and yowled in frustration, but prepared for combat. Tsumugi stood with an enamored expression, her face was blood-red as a dreamy expression replaced her stern look.

"Ah~" she wooed, "You two are together~"

Tsumugi fell backwards and fainted from the sheer excitement.

Thus ended the epic bout.

Sumire had formally apologized for her master's behavior, explaining that because Tsumugi has been deprived of social contact, she had requested Sumire to bring her reading material. The best that Sumire was able to garner was, naturally, manga depicting intimate relationships between girls. As a result, Tsumugi had become sensitive to "girl-love", and the act of Azusa and Mio was too stimulating for her to handle.

The group left, astonished at what had occurred.

"Ne, ne, Azunyan," Yui latched herself on Azusa's shoulder after her and Mio had "un-fused". "That was a pretty cool spell! What was it?"

"It isn't a _spell_, it is a ritual in which two maiden souls will be conjoined to combine their powers," refuted Azusa.

"Ohhh, how do you do this ritual?"

"Er, um," Azusa fidgeted nervously. "You um…" She glanced at Ritsu who was eyeing her suspiciously. Azusa, taking the safe route, whispered her answer in Yui's ear, regretting the decision almost instantly as Yui yelled out.

"EHH? You have to kiss?"

"S-shut up!"

"Azunyan, do the ritual with me!" she exclaimed as she puckered her lips and tried to kiss Azusa, who dodged expertly and ran off. Ritsu stood at the side, clutching her stomach as she laughed, partly at Yui and partly from Mio's furious blushing expression. A pained yell could be heard throughout the residence as an exorcist's iron fist descended upon the brunette's head. Luckily, Tsumugi was already out cold, or else she would have fainted twice in a day from Mitsu overload.

As the sun set, the clouds in the sky had formed a curious celestial body. Little woodland creatures were formed and hearts were created as well, as if the sky was in a particularly good mood.


End file.
